Fallen

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

When I grow up. ......

yeah I'm not grownup yet. hard to believe I'm 23 two minutes away from graduating college and I don't consider myself an adult. I mean I walk and talk like an adult I can network, I'm pretty sure I'll get a job( with an engineering degree I better), and I'm looking to buy my first car.
I realized today I am working towards becoming the woman I want to be. I haven't reached that point and therefore I'm not an adult yet. I was watching Michelle Obama on t.v today and she's like the woman I want be. composed, unfiltered, honest. unfailing in her beliefs. I want to find a way to take the passion that I know I have and compose it to a natural graceful state. That is something that can only come with more growing up. I'm looking forward to my growing years outside of college. I remember the time when I wanted to be a high-powered business woman with a red suit. The suit definitely had to be red! I got back that feeling yesterday. I want to reach the world globally and locally. I want to wear red.

FEB 1ST wear red day. Women heart disease awareness day.
(completely unrelated to why i want to wear red.)

It's all bittersweet

Theres a boy I know, hes the one I dream of
Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above
Ooh I lose control, cant seem to get enough
When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love

Chorus:
How will I know (don't trust your feelings)
How will I know
How will I know (love can be deceiving)
How will I know
How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
Im asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if hes thinking of me
I try to phone but Im too shy (cant speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong why do I feel weak

Oh, wake me, Im shaking, wish I had you near me now
Said theres no mistaking, what I feel is really love



If he loves me, if he loves me not


I was jamming out to this song and thought about as lighthearted as this song it really is the feelings that play out in the single mind time after time. I find myself in this situation time after time. It is so bittersweet because saying something can have one of two outcomes. One is good he likes you too you start something that leads somewhere you think that the two of you are perfectly headed. The next is that he doesn't like you and you suddenly have lost a person you so enjoyed the presence of for so long. (at least that is for me considering I just love to hang out with people that I have crushes on.)
Somethings I think the worst outcome of theses two would actually be that the guy actually likes me back. I mean the guy I like is perfect not in every way but perfect enough. And If he did like me to (which he doesn't) what does that actually mean. Since I don't have an answer ready then its probably a good thing that he doesn't like me isn't it. As you can see that song relates in so many ways.

Literally running in and out of my mind.

In this day and age I am suprised I have yet to have a blog. I mean I read everyone elses when I have the time. I read random peoples blogs (www.listentoleon.net) and as of yet i had not taken the steps to air out all my thoughts and the most random situations that I think people should hear my take on. (whew!). So starting today whoever reads this will enjoy the most random irrelevant things that could possibly come to my mind in times of boredom and work avoidances. I hope whoever enjoys reading.