Heroes or Villains

~“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.”....

It's good that I'm not angry..though I sense that lots of people are angry with me. In the stories that we weave we usually characterize other people as Heroes or villains in the tales. oh what a tangled web we weave. It really isn't that simple People are bad guys with a soul nor are they angels with a mean streak. They are flesh and blood three-dimensional people. It takes a big woman to show all your cards to wonder"why don't they just like me" not to ourselves but out-loud for others to hear and to dissect. 

The above quote is signinficant to me right now. I'm learning how to abide by thought-out principles when it comes to treating people with kindness and seeing them the way God sees them. My blind reflex is to say with hell with people espcially to hell with Passive-aggressive people they have no place and what I need to do.But now I'm learning how to treat people with grace even if it seems that they do not deserve it. 

Can you look past the villainousness nature of people. 

Simple Thought for the day:

 Life is not simple, and people can't be boxed into being either heroes or villains.

Dismal Hopefulness

A pessimist is a person who looks at the dark side of things and a optimist looks on the light side of things. People are either described as a half glass empty or full kind of people. Pessimist tend to think they are right that the world is going to hell in a hand basket and there is no need for hope. I don't know why pessimist think that there stance is so realistic but it's probably because optimistism seem so unrealistic. Everything is not sunny...who knows if it will all be okay..it might just end up badly? 

Today someone ask me what my world view was in relation to this. Actually they said "you seem to think that the world is sad, that everything is sad" 

The actual answer to how I view the world is an oxymoron..it's paradoxical but I think that most true and good things in life are paradoxical in nature(Godhead, three in one.. explain that without paradox) So my anwer to how I view the world is I have a dismal hopefulness. Darkness and bleakness are part of the picture but there is hope in every situation, in every relationship and in every story. The sky is not falling but there is not rainbows and butterfly all the time either. I think living in one of those two boxes of pessimist or optimist is not realistic at all. 

Simple Truth: A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame someone else

For Today. For Tomorrow.

It's my birthday tomorrow...no one here can know. I was born this Friday, 26 years ago. And I feel stuck watching history repeating Who am I? Just a kid who knows she's needy. Let me know that you hear me, Let me know your touch, Let me know that you love me..Let that be enough.

Losing you is effortless.

And suddenly you've become a part of the past..you're becoming the part that don't last..I'm losing you and it's effortless.
Today my thoughts settled on friendships. Losing friendships is so effortless. People become part of the past quickly when no effort is put in by either party to repair or maintain the friendship..it goes the way of the past like ship in water. Floating effortlessly by.
I'm typically of the school of friendship that it takes effort to repair and maintain and I usually repair and maintain even if it seems like the other person doesn't care as much as me about whatever situation lack of situation just lapse of time that is occurring.
 But lately I have been atypical in my approaches to friendship. I actually don't like it. But something in me is dying and I don't know what to do about it. it's a part that hurts me more than it hurts others, maintaining friendships is hard, soul crushing work at times, but the outcome of it was usually rewarding. So even though it hurt to be that person, I was okay being that person. Right now I'm not that person. I don't even know how to be that person. Something broke and I've entered a territory that I don't like being in.
Not to say I don't have friends..I'm just not doing much paddling. I got to snap out of it before Project 26 starts.
Project 26...More on that later and I'm looking for a better name.
Simple Truth/thought for Today: If things are not going well with you, begin your effort at correcting the situation by carefully examining the service you are rendering, and especially the spirit in which you are rendering it.

Honesty...can you handle it?

The Movie: A Few Good Men" The scene: The lawyer played by Tom Cruise yelled to the man on the stand played by Jack Nicholson "Give me the truth, I want the truth" The general yells back "You can't handle the truth"

The scene played out the way we treat truth these days. We doll it out when we think people can handle it and keep it to ourselves when it seems to harsh or it doesn't fit in line with how we want to portray ourselves.

It amazing when I see the magnitudes of lies and half-truths masquerading as niceties. Why don't you just tell her please by another shirt that one make you look pregnant (and you're so not!) Why let your friend buy the ugly shirt all because she is love with it and you want to be "nice" don't we see that niceness kills.

I'm not saying be cruel and say hurtful things. I'm just saying honesty is not morally right it is also highly efficient. You tell the truth..it hurts and true some people can't handle the truth. But as long as the intent isn't to bruise and hurt and malign the truth is the best policy.

I have my own policy with the truth. If telling someone the truth gives even an ounce of pleasure..I don't do it. It has crossed the line into cruel category that I don't want to live in.

I believe that if the world were to become more truth tellers we wouldn't be so bruised and battered when someone tells us the truth. Also we would know how to do it not keep the truth bottled up so much inside that when we finally get fed up it comes out in one angry sweep.

Don't keep it in...let the truth out.

Simple truth for today: Writing a paper at 1am is a bad idea...you wake up with a jumbled mess on your hands.

If I were a bird...

If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be or would you be satisfied just being a bird..nature allowing you to fly. Go south when it's cold north when it hot. We are more than birds. We should be happy that we are more than birds but some-days I find myself thinking..What if I were a bird.

These lyrics popped into my head as I was writing a paper today from one of my favorite songs.

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive

I'm just out to find the better part of me

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane

More than some pretty face beside a train

It's not easy to be me

It may sound absurd but don't be naive

Even heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed but can't you concede

Even heroes have the right to dream

It's not easy to be me

I can't stand to fly

I'm not that naive

Men weren't meant to ride

With cloud between their knees

I'm only a man

with a funny red sheet

I'm only a man

looking for a dream

In my case I'm only a woman looking for a dream but lately I've been thinking have I lost that naiveness that allows us to have dreams. To think about the future as though we are birds but still keep in mind we are just men and woman looking for something. I've lost it. I don't know where to find it. I keep forgetting that I will keep making mistakes, I will have to keep fighting not to lose myself in all the world has to offer and follow a dream even if i don't know what that dream is.

I keep reminding myself about some of the simple truths, some I already know and some I just keep learning with each new day.

Simple truth for today:

Men Kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Woman treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.

Random Thoughts

It seems that there are dreams that I never thought I would lose are tossed along the way

The past is never far. Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?

Don't it make it sad to know that life is more than who we are?

Reruns are becoming our history.

Is it Destiny?

One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.

Destiny is defined as a pre-determined course of events. I often dwell on this more often than I should. I think about the road that I have taken and whether or not there is a pre-determined course of events or plan that is unfolding.

I thought that by now I would be on my way to marriage I would be realizing my dream of Getting my PhD in Biomedical Engineering and be so far away from Gainesville Florida that I would miss it. It seems that that was not the plan.

I'm nowhere near marriage, I'm working on a 2nd Bachelor's degree this time in Civil Engineering and I still Live in Gainesville, Florida.

But this leads me to several conversations I have had over the past 10 years both with myself and others that lead me to believe that it was part of my destiny to be where I am.

My dad told me to switch to civil engineering 6 years ago when I decided that I didn't want to be a doctor, he told me it was a good back up plan..what did i do? I didn't listen. 5 years after that I entered UF for the second time to work on a degree in what? that's right Civil Engineering. I'm doing decently in it and I like it much better than Biological Engineering. But was it my destiny?

Also as for Marriage, In high school I never thought I would get married until I was at least 28 so now what's the rush? I don't

know

So once again this quote One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it. tends to explain it all. I avoid my destiny but I meet it anyways. But somehow I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Semi-Charmed Kinda of Ironic Life

I have so much to say but not enough patience and sit down and write. I have so much to say but no one to read what I have to say. I guess that is why I do not have the patience to sit down and write a blog.

With that being said I'm gonna revamp this blog and be more consistent and actually adversite the blog via Facebook. this is kinda of scary considering I actually don't know how many people read this blog or if what I have to say is at all important.

I'm also working on a project for next year.. the next year..May 6 2011- May 6 2012 year 26 is what I'll call it. My mom got married at the age of 26. Not that I'm going to go find a guy and get married but I want to do the things I said I would do before I get married. The years seem to be coming so quickly that I don't even have time to think and I'm wasting so much time. I'm tired of living a semi-charmed ironic life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jne9t8sHpUc

yep I've offically entered rambling. so signing off to go finish my homework.

What happens when it gets too hard to breathe

Breathe

Life is short so love the one you got

Don't run cause you might get shot.

Breathe

Sometimes it's so hard to breathe

Like every breath taken should be the last

Sometimes I wonder about life. Especially in times like this when the word breathe seems like some far off action instead of something that I need to do to survive. What does one do when breathing seems so hard to do. That things never seem like they are ever going to change like life will forever sit still.

I have no reason to feel like this. At least I shouldn't have any reason to feel like this. Mind you all of our days our numbered but it seems like some far off number no one can place a day on when it will happen When the difficulty of having to breath is replaced by no breathing at all. I have everything I need not all of what I want but everything I need because I'm alive and I have Jesus. I truly believe this. Not a line that Christian use to justify some lack of something in there lives I really do have everything I need..most days I know it.

Today I just got to remember to breathe.

Who will love me for me?

I added some of my own lyrics to one of my favorite songs.Love Me by JJ Heller. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUM86eL6tVw

Who will love me for me not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me cause no one has shown me what love really means.

Her heart is crumbling a little each day. She is the girl who has been in love with the same guy for many years. She wonders each day why he never loved her maybe if she was different he would have changed his mind. And she says who will love me for me not for what I have done or what I will become cause no one has shown me what love really means.

To be loved or known?

To be loved or to be known. It is said you can have one or the other but you cannot have both. That once you are known you will no longer be loved. I guess I see it this way alot. That people lose the love that they have for me the longer they know me.

Pastor Mike had a recent sermon that talked about this and he said something that really struck me. Pretty much what I learned from it that the theory holds in the world, and people who all fall short of the glory of God will treat you in this manner. We don't know of any other way of treating people. But GOD who knows every hair on our body and truly knows us also LOVES us. This is comforting on so many levels.

There is a lot on my mind lately I think I'll start blogging more and actually telling people about this blog. We will see.

This is what's running in and out of my mind

Til Tomorrow If it comes. Peace be with you.

Watching life happen

Today feels like I'm watching life happen.
I'm not living life but watching others turn their pages.
Am I afraid of what the next page will yield
or am i aware of what it will yield and thinking that it is nothing

I get scared sometimes.
That all this life has to hold is vanity.
that ambition is pure vainity
That careers, babies and husbands are all in vain.
I wish I knew what to do next.
I need some light.
I'm drowning
Floundering
I need to escape.

Dreams are never free

I want to paint a picture of how things could be.

Me and the love of my life our children living someplace warm, serving God, serving the Community me actually using my education to do both, building our home and various other things are all part of the picture that I imagine my life to be.

But I have learned by now that dreams are never free nor are they in my control. The problem is even though I know these things I still live a life like i can predict the future. How about you?

Girl meets boy.

Girl falls hard.

Boy doesn't even stumble.

How to prevent your heart from being broken

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certianly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
-C.S. Lewis.